You know the old story, Portuguese-American girl meets an Australian born New Zealander. They fall in love and decide that even though there are a thousand reasons they should not be together (his words exactly after their first date), they decide to move forward with the relationship. They agree that after they are married that their first child will be born in her home town, so she, and the child will be surrounded by her family and friends. After that, the girl agrees that she will move to New Zealand where his family lives. And then they can decide which of the two places they will live. Simple.

So simple. That is, until their daughter is born and they realize that they are stuck. Stuck together. Sounds romantic don’t it. Well, imagine knowing that you will always live away from your family and childhood friends OR that the person you love, and want to make happy, will live away from their family or friend. It was a shocker and I remember the moment I realized it. I think we both wanted to run for the hills, but that cute little baby needed both of us around, so like I said, we were stuck.

In our plan there had never been any discussion of moving to Australia, Portugal, Colorado, Hawaii, California or a Caribbean island. I am not complaining. I did when we moved to Australia. It was very hard to leave my family and friends. Not only for me, but also for my children. But after a while we settled in and we grew to love the place. The move to New Zealand was easier because we already had a network of family and old friends. When we left, I truly believed we would only be gone for a year, so it was more like going on vacation than leaving, so a quick hug, some kisses and a, “See you next year!”

I will be honest. Portugal has been a treat for me. Reconnecting with family and friends (who might as well be family) has been insanely wonderful. I love that I am getting to live in a place so connected to my mother.  I also appreciate the relative proximity to my family. I would not be honest if I did not admit these things. I will also tell you that if my husband got fed up with it I would be out of here on the next plane, but he is loving it. We both also just love the fact that our children are speaking a second language. It is fantastic to see. Lana, to our surprise, is amazingly well integrated into her class. Both socially as well as academically. Nuno, is still working out some kinks, but that is to be expected with all the extra changes that he has had to endure this year.

Last week my husband and I somehow started ‘the talk’. The ‘where are we going to live ‘ talk. No one who knows my husband will be surprised by the fact that rather than helping to narrow down our choices, he arrived at the table with a new suggestion, the Caribbean. (This is after having suggested Colorado after we visited there this year.) After I told him that he was insane. I had a look at the links he sent me and I quickly realized that it is very difficult to argue against living in Paradise. Crazy? Yes. Cool. YES! That being said, I just wasn’t sure it would be right to do to the children.

So, last week we all walked down to the beach for a family meeting and when asked if they would be okay with another year in Portugal, both children were absolutely fine with the idea. Then when we mentioned the possibility of Aspen and/or the Caribbean, the kids thought that either would be really exciting. They both loved Aspen last winter and upon seeing the pictures of the turtles in the Caribbean they were easily sold. My husband and I were somewhat shocked that the kids seemed to have a move or two left in them.

If you had asked me a few years ago where I would be today it would have included the idea of being settled somewhere. It only seems the ‘right’ thing to do.  It’s just the picking of that one place that is the challenge. There are a number of places that now feel like ‘home’ where I would love to raise my children and picking one, only one, is incredibly hard. I want my kids to know how important family is. I hope I have. I truly love our family. Right now I hope my children are aware that am I working really hard to see as much of our families and spending as much time as we can with them.

But something wonderful we have been able to experience this year is to witness the immediate re-connection that was made when our children saw their old friends. Twice this year we were fortunate to vacation with families that we met through our kids. And each time, it was as if not a day had gone by since they had last seen each other. It was beautiful. And our time with our family was equally as wonderful. No, it is not the same as living next door to your brother and fabulous sister-in-law. I have done that. And those years were a gift. But we will continue to do the best we can to see family and to encourage more and more visits here.

A lesson I learned when we moved to Australia is that no matter how much I love my extended family, that my primary responsibility is to my children and my husband. And right now, today, we are where we are supposed to be, even if that means being a bit further from family than we would all like.

Chillin’ out after the family meeting…