My first chemo session was this past Tuesday. I had been warned that the side effects might not hit me until two or three days afterward. I felt GREAT the day after and it wasn’t until Thursday that the queasiness and lightheadedness hit. Sure I didn’t feel great, but I didn’t feel awful. Drinking fresh ginger tea and eating loads of bread made a huge difference. Easy.
On Saturday it started to become clear that the Neufesta was doing its job. Unfortunately, that meant every bone in my body was sore. Every bone, my cheekbones, my cranium, my back…. I am sure you get it. It was then that I realized that I was sick. Sick during a pandemic. Now, I am a pretty optimistic and positive person so imagine my realizing that I am at very high risk if I catch Covid-19.
Saturday night I realized that I have some choices to make to keep myself safe. I could ask my family to quarantine, but I can’t. I simply can not ask that of my children. This pandemic has already been so unfair to them. They are still my priority and any plan needs to have their needs at the top of the list.
My plan A was to get them all in a car and ship them off to Snowmass. It is where they were meant to be if I had not gotten my diagnosis. After chats with family and a couple of friends, I think we have a Plan B. Right now it looks as Lana will move in with Raquel. Lana is the most ‘active’ of the four of us so ‘removing’ her from the mix might make me and the others less likely to contract Covid.
I know that Lana is ready to go off into the world. She has utterly impressed both Stephen and myself this year in the manner with which she has tackled every aspect of the pandemic, the college application process, and life. I had joked that I wanted to spoil her rotten this year because she will be off next September. So this, this seems a little unfair. I really want my girl here. I love dotting on her, I love our chats, I love our laughs. Asking Lana to go to Raquel’s is about the least natural thing for this mother to do. But I am doing it for her. I want her to continue to live her life, to swim, to see her friends. And more than anything I want years and years to enjoy with her. I love you Lana.