I am a runner. I like to wake up by 4 am, drink a cup of coffee, read the Bible, and pray. Then I walk out my door and meet my friend Lisa for a run. Typically we run 6 miles, but on the weekend we can run up to 10 or 12. It is what keeps me healthy both physically and mentally. 

Since my cancer diagnosis, everyone has told me to listen to my body and I have. As a woman who never suffered from menstrual cramps and who has only had a few headaches in her life, I am unable to ignore the nausea and body aches of chemo. There was also the week and a half before my treatment started that I had the port put in. Having a protruding device that is still healing from its placement also impacts one’s runs. Especially when it is right near your bra strapline. 

SOOO, when I woke up this morning I listened to my body. It told me to get out and get some fresh air. The plan was to take a walk, but just in case I put on my sports bra. 

Having my bra strap not touch my port was a win that I very much needed (note my smile). I did actually mention this very concern to my surgeon which may be part of the reason that it is located where is, but it may have just been good luck. I quickly got all geared up. It was a nippy 26F this morning which is good. I am not meant to be pulling my hair back, nor am I meant to wash it more than once a week. I don’t think I could run in the summer with my hair down. Having cancer during the winter is a WIN!

I walked and ran to start, but halfway through my loop, I put my running mix on. I knew today was not about listening to podcasts or the news, but all about escaping into music. It was bliss. One of the songs that popped onto my list was recently borrowed from my friend Jill’s running list. It brought a smile to my face thinking of times we have spent dancing together and of times to come doing the same. 

The next song that I stopped on was shared by my friend Nancy. She recommended it when I was looking for songs for an upcoming half-marathon. This song is one that often brings me to dance and/or clap while I am running. As it started I simply smiled, but as I sang the lyrics hit me.  “The whole world’s out of sync.” You’re telling me! How unfair it is that I have cancer?!?!? I eat so healthily! I run all the time! I don’t use chemicals in my home cleaning products! Crickey, I make my own almond milk!

I stopped, cried, and closed my eyes. I wanted to scream, but I knew that I would alarm my neighbors, so I decided to just stand there and breathe. In a flash, I knew that it wasn’t in fact unfair. That this cancer, the very two cancerous growths that they still cannot see with a mammogram may have been there for some time. Maybe my healthy lifestyle slowed the growth. Maybe doing the right thing helped me in some way. I will never know, but this for sure, but it is a definite maybe.

Maybe the cancer is a gift to remind me that I have had 49 really wonderful years and that if I want to have 49 more I need to continue to embrace the good that I have been blessed with and to continue to treat myself in a respectful manner. 

The song played on and I danced and ran and dance some more. And then I thought of my friends dancing to this song. And that was JOY. So, don’t feel sad for me. Nope. Scroll up, hit play and DANCE!!!!