Arriving in Barcelona was thrilling. Even though these European trips are cheap and easy the excitement of it all is not lost on me.

After arriving at the airport I hopped on the blue bus that brought me to the center of town. After checking where our hotel was (I forgot to get that info before today), I decided to take in the gorgeous weather, throw my bag on my back and walk to it. The entire way I fell more in love with this city. The architecture, the new construction and the urban planning are all to be admired.

When I finally stumbled on our hotel I thought for sure I had the wrong place. This hotel is 5 star luxe! Tops my family does is 3 star, but clean. Rather than get excited I went into a panic. How would I pay for this?!?! I only tutor! Would Stephen get cross?

I dropped off my bag then walked to the waterfront. I found a place to get a glass of wine and a nibble. And I gave myself time to take a deep breathe.

I know that I bring value to my children’s lives, my family and my community by being a stay at home mother. It took me years to realize that. But I know it now. That being said I am at the point where I want to earn my own money again. I do not want to feel beholden to anyone when I choose to order a 12€ vs 4€ glass of wine. The decision will likely be the same, but the decision will be solely mine. It is time.

Not a bad spot to contemplate being a better me, mother & wife.

Let’s be honest here. I have nothing to escape from in my life. I live in a cute apartment with my cute kids (my pain in the butt husband lives there too, but he makes us laugh, do we keep him). We live walking distance from a lovely beach. Those reasons right there are good enough to make me never need to leave.

But this weekend is not about getting away. Rather, it’s about connecting.

I have many friends. Unfortunately, many of them live far away from me. I try to be a good friend from a distance, but truth is I suck at it. Yes, I am good with FB, but let’s be honest, there is something about FB that is disconnected and focuses too much on shining a light only on the positive.

Well, I had this great opportunity to meet up with a girlfriend who’s visiting Barcelona. She has been a good friend for years. I invited myself to join her because I knew we would have a blast. She’s a very successful woman, but still makes time to enjoy life to the fullest. I also wanted to go to be with her. Phyllis’ husband passed away a few years back. But he was a Steve. So she understands what it’s like to be married to one. It’s always been a bond. And still is.

I can’t wait!

I have been grumpy. Uninspired. I don´t feel like running and I even made an excuse not to when I had a short, perfect window of opportunity to go out for a run yesterday. I had been my first chance in 3 days to do so. I almost did the same thing today. Thank God I didn´t. This is exactly the medicine I needed.

People think just because I ran a marathon this year that I am still fit. People I have news for you, when the marathon is over you are right back to the start. If you do not keep on moving things get stiff and flabby. I recognize that I am in a slump and I know that what I need to get out of that place is to move & move some more.

I suggested that a group of friends & I do a fitness challenge and they agreed. I am hoping this helps me get through this rut. I need to as I am signed up for a race in 5 weeks and training for it would be a very good idea:)

Today we’re going to determine if my little man is still allergic to cashews and their tree nut cousins.

This care he’s receiving is free. All public medicine care for children is free. That’s great. But walking through this communist era built hospital, with it’s poorly lit halls, walls in need of a coat of paint, and employees wearing hospital issue long blue coats inside, yes inside, I can not but miss my hometown hospital.

I am a supporter of socialized medicine. But am I a horrible person for being grateful that I can afford the private healthcare option? I know the answer to that. But still I’m grateful, because in a poor country this public option can be a saving grace, but a depressing one nonetheless.

Y´all back home are having a snow day. Lucky…

Here it´s just a cold day. 0 C/32 F isn´t anything shocking for people back home, but what you have to realize is that homes there are kept toasty warm. Here, not so much. We have electric heat in some rooms, but not all of them. We have resorted to using a stand alone gas heater that we roll from room to room depending on our need.

Today, not only did I need it to keep warm, but as a conference day at school, I had offered to have 4 kids over and I needed it to keep ALL of them warm. So wouldn´t you know it the gas would run out 1/2 hour before they arrived? Normally that´s not a problem, but with my husband away and 4 kids on their way, this was a challenge. I found a way to rush to the gas station to pick up another tank, but would´t you know it, they were out. And no surprise to anyone living in Portugal, everyone was out.

As kids arrived and I handed them blankets to wrap themselves in as they watched television. Baking was already on the agenda, but we just started sooner. As most everything can be delivered in Portugal I looked into getting our gas delivered and Alleluiah they had gas and they could get it to me today. That there is a miracle in these parts.

In my panic the kids just did their thing. One girl kept her jacket on, but now that we have heat it is still on, so I just think it´s her. Or that´s what I´ll tell myself.

Now what I need is a mommy recharger. Since they have arrived we have: made homemade sugar cookies, made homemade chocolate chip cookies, made homemade pizza &&&& my son chose to drag out the science experiment kit he received for Christmas.

My daughter said it´s my own fault I get into these situations. But that´s my job, right?

Jackie, I promise to link to the recipe you asked for. And yes, I made a home cooked meal every night this week. But I also tutored, did a reading evaluation, took my son to see his allergist in Lisboa (what a nightmare), planned two trips (one for me and some ladies & the other for the fandamily), AND I attended a parent organization meeting. I also ran three times, played a bit of tennis and did yoga once. I talked to my girl about the challenges of being yourself in a teenage world. I saw a few houses. 5 actually. It was an ordinary week. I have so much to tell you, but it is time for bed as the kiddos both compete in a swim meet tomorrow. And then we head up to the village.

But you three who read this. Correction, you 4 are greatly missed. I have thought of you heaps this week.

I had a great weekend. I did. I visited a vineyard, had lovely meals, drank great wine and even danced with a group of very silly (my favorite type) of English people. So why did I wake up feeling so sad?

Last night’s good time involved a fab party. But somehow rather than reflecting in the good time, I’m left longing for friends & family in the States and NZ. These are people that I would love to invite over for a party.

Then there’s the problem with inviting people for a party. Parties are just not something Stephen and I do in our apartments. That then makes me long for a house. Something we will not commit to until we commit to where we’re going to live.

This adventure has been great. But there has been compromise. Most of the time I’m okay with that. But today I’m feeling overwhelmed. This disconnect from permanency, old friends, and a job are all making me just feel unhinged. I rarely go there. But when I do, it reminds me of what I’ve given up….to get what we have. And that isn’t a pleasant reality.

Our kids have no, or very limited access to technology during the week. So in the weekend they become technology zombies. After a few hours of watching our lively kids completely disconnect from humanity, Stephen and I start to lose our patience with their addiction.

We try to encourage the children to take breaks from the devices/computer/television. I would love to see them policing their own usage. It’s still a dream. But we all need our dreams, right?

Today after Lana complained that there was nothing to do in this house she got the idea in her mind to bake something. And here we are before my kitchen was destroyed.